Unmade by Grace

Saying "no" to the convent may have saved my soul.

At one point in my life, I seriously considered religious life. If you had asked me then, I would have said I felt confident that I was called to it. Yesterday, I had a chance encounter with one of the sisters from the order I thought had my name on it—brief, polite, the way I might talk to my high school boyfriend if I ran into him (though honestly, I’d enjoy talking to him much more, I’m sure). Later, I joked with a coworker about it: “It’s so awkward to see your ex in public.” The laughter dissolved. “You know, I think that vocation would have played to the worst aspects of my personality.”

“Yeah. You can be pretty intense.”

“Yeah.”

Aside from trying very hard not to be insulted at being accurately appraised by another human being, I noticed how true my words felt. I do think it’s fair to say that religious life may have been bad for me. Maybe even toxic, a slow poison to my soul. It would have given the perfectionist, judgmental, overly-serious side of me plenty of reason to be sel…